Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit: you know you're a new yorkian when...

Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit

to blog or not to blog, which is the path a true underwear ninja must take? whichever path it be, it will surely be a rough-hewn one. argyle, possibly.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

you know you're a new yorkian when...

i got a chain email. i agreed with a few of the things, disagree with a few of the things.

You Know You're From New York City When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
-yes, i do that. and yes, everyone knows what i mean

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
-well i have, but not since i was 12 as a tourist

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can?t find Wisconsin on a map.
-that must be something that uneducated new yorkians do?

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
-moreso now than before. after a while its not a new or strange thing

The subway makes sense.
-no. i can't see how this can be. if new yorkians think the subway makes sense then they haven't left new york.

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
-again, must be an uncultured new yorkian thing.

You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
-i haven't heard anyone say the big apple

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
-i call it decoration

You consider Westchester "upstate".
-i consider westchester my elementary school

You think Central Park is "nature."
-yes. it is.

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
-hellz ya! i pay $1350 for a studio and consider it a "decent" price for the area.

You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
-i can't imagine that someone who's only lived in new york would know there are stars in the sky

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
-na, usually i'm trying to get some sleep in. if i do stay out late its coz of a special occasion (career-oriented way of life here)

Your closet is filled with black clothes.
-more now than ever before!

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.
well, there is no silence anywhere about, that's true

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
-$5 seems like an average price for a drink

You take fashion seriously.
-i suppose i do on some level

Being truly alone makes you nervous.
-nnnnope!

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
-yyyyup!

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
-ya, i can see how people would think that. nobody ever mentions anything outside of the northeast area or florida. and i can see how people wouldn't know what the heck life would be like west of indiana.

You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
-or else you'll never get anywhere on time

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
-i know people that do

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
-in the subway or bus, ya

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
-it would be a full bag though

You don't notice sirens anymore.
-yes, i do and they're horribly annoying.

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
-that's just a bogus statement and one of the reasons why new yorkians don't know of life beyond indiana.

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
-not necessarily in that order though...

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
-yes!

Your door has more than three locks.
-yyyup

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
-yes! wow! but if its coming from a girl than you know what she's thinking.

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.
-na coz you probably have a good 30 seconds left

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
-not unless you're lazy

You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.
-well, considering that's exactly what i'm doing... yes!

There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown.
-yes

When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
-ya i can see that.

You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.
-there are a lot of ray's pizzas around

You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
-not on the ground level, no

You know what a bodega is.
-yes and now my family knows too

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.
-not the times, i read "AM New York" and have to fold it so i can read it in one hand and hold onto the rail with the other while crunching into the sub

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....
-yes. this happens once in a great while and i found myself checking every time. people are usually pretty good about bumping into you, so when someone does, you have to wonder why.

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas
-i cringe the other way around. new yorkians are so dumb about that. house has an E at the end. houston does not. so don't pronounce it HOUSEton street, idiot!

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.
-they take up a lot of parking space. and that's like real estate here. good thing i don't drive. i want to find where they're filming spiderman 3!

posted by underwear ninja 8:46 PM

2 Comments:

At 11:19 PM EDT, Big Penguin said…

I agree with most of YOUR comments... except for the "real pizza" (NY Pizza is crap)
At 5:47 PM EDT, Iris Blue said…

So, after 1 year you are a New Yorker and have grafted it onto your Floridian/Hoosier roots.

Bodegas are a lifeline.