Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit: bury me not in thy lobster meal

Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit

to blog or not to blog, which is the path a true underwear ninja must take? whichever path it be, it will surely be a rough-hewn one. argyle, possibly.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

bury me not in thy lobster meal

well today at the marquis was employee appreciation at the cafeteria. this has to do with our GSS (guest satisfaction survey) scores being the highest its been in years. i tribute most of that to myself. i'm awesome for this place and they should grovel, but that's another blog i suppose.
so to celebrate, they gave everyone filet mignon and lobster. the filet was dry by the time i got there (starting work at 10:30pm usually does that to you) but the lobsters were kept in the hot box until you asked for one.

i have never had the privalege of cracking open a fresh lobster before. most of the lobsters i've eaten (at grande lakes) were already cracked open and buttered and delicious. so to th0se of you who, like me, haven't experienced the full joy of this experience, let me describe it to you.

you get the corpse served on your plate. and yes, its a corpse because of the way it flops. its organic and lumpish. fleshy. it was disturbing. i much preferred having not to recognize what i eat. give me a meat patty and don't tell me its name. i felt sorry for it. then i started playing with it. "weeeeeell, mrs snerdgrass! looking *sharp* tonight?" waddle waddle.
you have the option of having cracking utensils, which i declined because i was with the "lobster expert" at my table.

make SURE you get butter.

so you have the lobster corpse and you're sitting down at your table. where to start? how to do this humanely? well, you DON'T do this humanely; it's already dead! you rip off the tail without grace or forgiveness. pry apart the legs and don't stop until they snap apart. your reward: the tail! ah, the tail! chewy rubbery white meat with red on top. dip it in butter and chomp away. ah, ok, nice-ish. now what next?

staring down the gutted body. it smells and all you see is green mush. like a cross between pea-colored apple sauce and crushed pistachios. how in the world can all that in there function together to sustain a life form? there doesn't even seem to be enough green mush in there to fill in the empty exoskeleton. but, which part do you eat?

you don't. you're done.
...mostly (the claws still have about 3 centimeters of meat on them. not even worth the effort).

so that's it.
the creature died for its tail and most of its body is thrown away, inedible.
i started feeling bad for it again =(
then i started playing with it again =)
the body is dumped into a bucket.
now apparently its considered ok to put this bucket on the table. so its basically a trash can that you put right by your food. i don't get it. and i don't get lobster's popularity.
no more do-it-yourself; lobster MUST be prepared for me from now on!

posted by underwear ninja 12:14 AM

4 Comments:

At 7:22 AM EST, Big Penguin said…

man... you get appreciHated more than anybody I know!!!

Les Poissons, les poissons.... Mark just LOVEs les Poissons... Like to chop and serve little fish.

They do look like Little monsters don't they ... but they're GOOD little Monsters (WHAM, WHAM WHAM)
At 8:27 AM EST, R the Great said…

So there are some perks to working at the hotel! Looking forward to our visit on TUESDAY.
At 8:29 PM EST, nbk said…

The green mush is what the lobster ate. It's a delicacy to some. To me, it's s---, and I don't want to even see it.
At 6:06 AM EST, Iris Blue said…

I think you're correct in saying lobster is over-rated, but you've got to stop playing with your food.
You made my day. :-)