Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit: mr toad's wild ride

Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit

to blog or not to blog, which is the path a true underwear ninja must take? whichever path it be, it will surely be a rough-hewn one. argyle, possibly.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

mr toad's wild ride

have you ever been on mr toad's wild ride? did you know that it's not based on a book or cartoon or anything you'll find in mass media? it's actually based on the city of ny.
do you ever wonder why this city has such a reputation? how did it get to be at the forefront of people's minds, the news, and overall wonder? well i'll tell you why, my friend! because things just happen here. you do not have to do much to experience the "thrill" of ny. just be here long enough and something will happen. like my ride home tonight, for instance.
let me set the scene for you:
it's 5:15am in times square. somewhere in the upper 30s. a medium breeze blowing. there are 2 hookers on the sidewalk that as you pass they wink and ask if you need love. then you get down to the subway and sit to wait for the train. a man is yelling up on the street, you can hear him through the grates in the sidewalk: "ALL OF YOU!!!"....... "EVERYTHING!!!" over and over until he's out of earshot.
the train comes. on the other side of the tracks. its not the train you want, but then the announcer says that its the only train going uptown right now. so you have to get on.
we reach 72nd st, my stop. but the announcer says 42nd st and closes the doors too fast for me to look at a sign. d'oh! my bad. his bad too! he probably will cost me an hour after you figure in going to the next stop (96th) and taking a train down. maybe, in the time wasted, the bus will have already left and i'll have to wait for it to make a complete round before it gets back here because there's only 1 bus at 5:25am. annoyed and bitter at his (and my) mistake, i hope his cat leaves a present in his shoe while he's sleeping.
so now image you're at 96th st. waiting for the southbound train to come. there's a train coming. it gets close and, o shoot, its a garbage train. for those of you who don't know, at night sometimes you'll have garbage trains come through. they only serve to raise your hopes up and leave you, again, annoyed. yes, i'm quoting webster's on that.
the south 1 train comes and takes you to 79th. the bus is still sitting there. YES! you run to catch up because his signal is on that he'll be leaving now. you get on and head to the back. the bus shuts off.
restarts.
shuts off.
the doors open.
starting up again.
is that the bus i hear coughing?? i coulda sworn the bus was coughing up a muffler.
now we're off. doing fine on our way to 79th and york. as we pass 3rd ave: WHAM! WHAM!
what was that? i'd imagine it to sound something like lighting up-close. seriously, there must have been an open manhole that we plowed over. the emergency windows are now flapping freely with the motion of the bus. and now the electronic sign in the back is half-broken, half-falling down. kinda a safety hazard i spose. the driver chugs along merrily, unconcerned.
i arrive at 79th, walk to my apartment on 78th. there is a key stuck in the building door. probably because the locks don't work in the cold weather. they'll have to replace that.

overall ny will show you that people are people no matter where you are. laughing helps.

posted by underwear ninja 6:23 AM

4 Comments:

At 9:34 AM EST, Iris Blue said…

You need better hours. Something in the daytime when not as many creepies are visible.
At 9:39 AM EST, Iris Blue said…

I've been watching the Food Network. Are you anywhere near these places?
Dylan's Candy 1011 3rd 10021
Cowgirl (restaurant)519 Hudson
Veniero's (bakery) 321 East 11th 1003
At 9:40 AM EST, Iris Blue said…

Check and see what your time is set to....I posted this at 9:40 AM, not 6:40
At 7:27 PM EST, Big Penguin said…

Dang. I'm glad I have a car :-)