Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit: 4am: time for silly reflections

Underwear Ninja comes with Space Suit

to blog or not to blog, which is the path a true underwear ninja must take? whichever path it be, it will surely be a rough-hewn one. argyle, possibly.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

4am: time for silly reflections

how would you describe this feeling?
you found yourself a hill with a steep cliff and a sheer drop-off. you built a ramp out of tough particle board. you take your never-fail bike and take off down the hill, peddling as fast as you can, propelled by gravity and a swollen energy. you don't feel your legs; you're a train. you reach the ramp, following the curvature of a loyal upward slope with the finesse of a ninja, and watch the ground grow distant beneath you. think: ET. you race through the air. wheels spinning furiously, you keep peddling because you believe it will carry you to the ocean if you want.
nearing the apex of your ascent and you're flying, briefly, windy and free. now...stop the clock. freeze that frame. pause! time is standing still and you're suspended, looking ahead and below and above and all around. the moment is so brief, but you're stuck in that moment nontheless. what happens next?
if you can imagine that moment, frozen in it's place, then you might know what i've felt like for about a year now.
you see i only have a general direction and there are no definites. all the definites are far below. trees, dirt, insects, grass. too small to see, or calculate, which definite i will land in. all the energy exerted to bring me to this peak and now we're here. the anticipation.
is this exciting or scary? should i feel free or cautious? saintly or wicked? laugh? cry? both? should i lean left or right? am i in control? what's down there and will i be able to land there if i find it? what happens next? stuck in the air, waiting to land.
its hard to build a fort on a shifty, sandy dune.
it's not even worth trying. there must be solid foundation for growth to occur. so to that end, i wait to see which direction i gravitate towards. when will this "transition" part of life come into focus?

in other words, when will i have an identity? one of my own that i choose and like?

this is a hypothetical question. i'm just left in the middle of all emotions and motivations, waiting for the one that i like. maybe, if i'm lucky enough, i can get a winning lotto ticket and not have to worry about these things anymore >=)
(or at least a fortune cookie)
((or a least a toy from cracker jack))

posted by underwear ninja 3:47 AM

4 Comments:

At 3:54 PM EST, nbk said…

Damned straight it's tough. Sometimes goals demand a pretty big leap of faith, and you/ve described it very powerfully here: where to land? What to get a firm ground on? It's very intimidating. But freedom can scare the bejusus out of anybody. There are few things to grasp firmly when one chooses creativity over traditional, established tracks. The very nature of it suggests almost infinite choices instead of predictable outcomes. Yet one chooses creativity and soars-- perhaps longing to land but unable, as opposed to not leaping or soaring and instead getting stuck in a firm foundation without fulfillment. Got to keep the faith.
At 6:45 PM EST, Iris Blue said…

Waiting to Exhale comes to mind. I wish we could be guaranteed of winning the lottery. It would make things simple.
At 8:29 PM EST, Big Penguin said…

Yeah, that's kinda how it was on the big half pipe at VANS yesterday! After committing to going down, I reached the other side and went airborne. Then, in a moment of terror, I realize that I'm airborne without a plan to land and although pads help a little, they don't guarrentee smooth landings. The problem is, if you don't jump, you won't ever get airborne in the first place. Keep at it, You'll land somewhere... and if you don't like where it is, you can jump AGAIN (yes again). Furthmore, the more you jump, but better you get. It's hard, it's frustrating, it's scary.... but the trick is getting your mind to think it's FUN also. Perception is one of the HUGE keys to fulfillment and happiness.

Winning the lotto? Heck yeah, I'm all for it..... but I'd still skate down the half pipe. I have a feeling you'd still be airborne on your bike..... Cause that's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh.
At 3:22 PM EST, R the Great said…

Fulfilling a dream. You are doing it. Sometimes the road to your dream may be a dirt path. Keep on trekkin', eventually you'll get somewhere. Maybe even end up on at a totally different destination that is better than what you were planning.